Maiden in Cornwall

It’s my 20th birthday today and I’ve already gone through a quarter-life crisis. I think it started at 14. You’re asked to pick your GCSE subjects, which affects what A Levels you can… Continue reading

Perfect Pooches

When I was sixteen I worked in my cousin’s grooming parlour doing dog washing. It was really hard work because it was very busy and I was constantly lifting ten-ton rottweillers into baths,… Continue reading

That’s Life

It’s handsome down here isn’t it. I live in Relubbus and come down with my bucket to collect grit for the canaries. I breed, show and sell them and I’ve got thirty-odd at… Continue reading

Living in Nothingness

We emigrated from Cornwall to Australia when I was thirteen, and I came back here to die. When I was twenty-four I got cancer and I was given four weeks to live. The… Continue reading

Not Quite Essex

I don’t really want to have my photo taken because I’ve got a moon face from taking steroids, but you can photograph my hands. I’ve just been told I have a broken pelvis,… Continue reading

I just think he’s a c**t

Dean: Well, what is there to know about us..? I’m a drunken punk junky bastard, Rachael is stunning and our daughter is a fucking nightmare because she’s a mix of the two. Rachael:… Continue reading

The Rainy Nights

I’ve had seven heart attacks and I’ve been dead three times. The first time I had a heart attack I drove to the hospital gates and died on the doorstep. I drove 50… Continue reading

Never Looked Back

Him: “I’m half Mexican, half Native-American – Apache Indian – and I used to be a computer engineer in Jacksonville for the Ford Motor Company. I was in charge of a closed network… Continue reading

Honest and Real

Ten years ago my father started a smallholding and we’ve both been making TV shows and writing about self-sufficiency and sustainable living on and off. One of our shows is on again at… Continue reading

Pirates of St. Piran

I’m a Cornish pirate, my dear, and we love Cornish pasties. If you hang around here for a while we’ll be treating your ears to a selection of our finest sea shanties. My… Continue reading