Absence of the Normal

There’s not many jobs down here in Cornwall with a bit of security, so when I was eighteen I went in the army. I did weigh up the risks before I went in.… Continue reading

The Northern Path

I’ve been selling what I suppose you could call giftware at Pool Market for three or four years. It’s sort of pagan-slanted ‘New Age’ stuff because I am a practicing pagan. Paganism is… Continue reading

Making it Happen

I’ve been in business thirty-three years now and I’m just putting a bit back – that’s what it’s all about really. We’re now setting up for our 25th or 26th charity rally at… Continue reading

Maiden in Cornwall

It’s my 20th birthday today and I’ve already gone through a quarter-life crisis. I think it started at 14. You’re asked to pick your GCSE subjects, which affects what A Levels you can… Continue reading

Perfect Pooches

When I was sixteen I worked in my cousin’s grooming parlour doing dog washing. It was really hard work because it was very busy and I was constantly lifting ten-ton rottweillers into baths,… Continue reading

That’s Life

It’s handsome down here isn’t it. I live in Relubbus and come down with my bucket to collect grit for the canaries. I breed, show and sell them and I’ve got thirty-odd at… Continue reading

Living in Nothingness

We emigrated from Cornwall to Australia when I was thirteen, and I came back here to die. When I was twenty-four I got cancer and I was given four weeks to live. The… Continue reading

Not Quite Essex

I don’t really want to have my photo taken because I’ve got a moon face from taking steroids, but you can photograph my hands. I’ve just been told I have a broken pelvis,… Continue reading

I just think he’s a c**t

Dean: Well, what is there to know about us..? I’m a drunken punk junky bastard, Rachael is stunning and our daughter is a fucking nightmare because she’s a mix of the two. Rachael:… Continue reading

The Rainy Nights

I’ve had seven heart attacks and I’ve been dead three times. The first time I had a heart attack I drove to the hospital gates and died on the doorstep. I drove 50… Continue reading